What our leaders can learn from our kids

This is a spontaneous post which I was inspired to write a few moments ago. I’m sitting here trying to focus on preparing content for our leaders on how to connect and engage with employees during these challenging times … and there’s screaming and shouting coming from Liam’s bedroom. Of numerous young voices.

He’s alone (obviously).

I peek round the door and there are multiple frames of kids on his computer screen and here’s what they’re up to: they’ve recreated the Pesach scouts “tiyul” (meaning “trip”). It’s one of the highlights of the year for all ages in the scouts – they hike and eat crap and lose their voices and don’t shower for days. Bliss.

They’re totally bummed that it’s been cancelled (obviously); especially the younger ones that Liam (and his friends) are in charge of.

So, all the “madrichim” (“counsellors”) got together and decided that they’re going to make it happen anyway. The Virtual Pesach Camp. They have planned full days of activities: morning wake up at 6:30am… virtual hikes … camp food … late night torch stories before bedtime … and apparently tomorrow tent building in our living room.

And I hear laughter. So much laughter.

As I get back to my work (but it’s so hard to focus!) it occurred to me that there are parallels here: our leaders have much to learn from these “young leaders”. These days they are struggling to stay connected with their employees, keep up engagement, recreate the feeling of togetherness. So, here’s what we can learn from the scouts about exactly how to do that:

1. Be compassionate, show empathy. These are not usual times. Many people are struggling with new concerns such as childcare, aging parents, isolation, finances. (And maybe these kids are “only” sad about missing their trip, but for them, it’s a struggle too). Show that you see your employees struggles, share stories, maybe you have your own concerns too that they can relate to? Be there for each other, even with laughter.
2. Be creative, use your imagination. This new reality demands us to do new things in new ways. Can’t meet for morning coffee anymore? Do it over a quick zoom every morning. Used to eat lunches together? Have a team cook out. Share photos, funny videos – find NEW and INTERESTING ways of coming together as a team.
3. And finally, be comfortable being uncomfortable. Trust me, Liam is pretty uncomfortable right now rising at 6:30am. The new ways of doing things mean we are trying things out for the first time. We are not seeking perfection here, it’s about showing up regularly, checking in and building in new habits. Don’t worry if it doesn’t run smoothly – this makes you human, and that builds trust.

As I sign off Liam has rushed out of his room to grab snacks from the fridge. He’s excited, happy, wants to share with me that it’s going SO brilliantly. He’s even got a croaky voice already – the sign of a successful camp. The free Zoom 40 minutes session has ended, they’re all reconnecting. To be honest, I haven’t seen him this animated for a while, and it warms my heart.

Wishing happy times to all. Stay safe and healthy.

Dedicated to the ones I love

A beautiful photo of a TLV sunset because we were too busy with each other to take one of ourselves

A few weeks ago, I sat at a Tel Aviv hotel poolside with one of my oldest dearest friends from London. We spent a good couple of hours catching up as her teenage boys swam in the pool and passed by every so often and we rubbed in sunscreen and ate hummus and pita.

I don’t need to describe what a really lovely afternoon that was. But the point is, in our daily lives we rarely speak. Me in Tel Aviv, her in London, we let weeks even months go by and we don’t connect. And honestly, I don’t know why. This is not an isolated incident. I have developed this tendency to withdraw from many close friends (I’m too busy / they’re too busy / no one has time) and instead, I find myself mostly connecting with the people (wonderful people I must add) who are circumstantially in my life the most, while my dearest friends become the special event / save up for occasional encounters. What the heck is that all about?

Technology allows us to connect today in ways we could only have dreamed of 30 years ago, only the opposite has happened. We’ve become more isolated. We seem to be never alone but oh so alone. Talking on the phone – once something we did endlessly, second nature – has become somewhat of a burden, an intrusion, something we have to make time for instead of just spontaneously calling for a chat. Social media – that ultimate connector – simply creates the illusion that we are all connected when the reality is we are sitting alone at home overlaying filters on our ordinary lives (because when you live on social media your life looks really bloody ordinary).

So here we were back at the pool and I’m sharing some of my recent difficult times with her – and this really is one of my dearest most trusted friends – and the first thing she says is why didn’t you call me? And for me calling to say I need to share this shit with you seemed such a mammoth act, while she didn’t call me because she was sure I was so very busy.

And here we are: with our very busy lives. Oh so alone.

This was a wakeup call to me. Today I’m divorced. I don’t have a partner at home to share my shitty day and console when I’m down or laugh with me when I’m up. But I am predisposed to do just that. This means that I must actually reach out and connect to my loved ones. We all have to reach out people! And we need to share the day to day mundane – the highs and the lows – so when we really do need that help, picking up the phone to ask for that won’t feel like such an enormous task. Even just with a quick text or a two-minute check in.

And that afternoon by the pool? This is what happy fulfilling lives are made of. It’s not about instagramable social media friendly trips / treks / meals / events. It’s about an average afternoon lazing by a pool connecting with someone who cares for me and loves me and will always be by my side even when she can’t be. These are the magic experiences that we must create and cherish and they’re so simple to do. The beauty is really in the simplicity of it. And the funny thing? I don’t have one instragramable photo to show for it. We were just there, engaged with each other, relishing in the moment, not distracted by overlaying filters.